| Anaheim Ducks: | Your goalie is quick but ours is fast...h |
| Boston Bruins: | Our goalie is an Islander? |
| Buffalo Sabres: | We're half Canadian.. o... canadaa.. |
| Calgary Flames: | tHE sNoW |
| Carolina Hurricanes: | Searching for the missing Staal. |
| Chicago Blackhawks: | Cover photo- Patrick Sharp's face. Caption- What on earth is losing? |
| Colorado Avalanche: | Landeskogging 24/7 |
| Columbus Blue Jackets: | We know he's good but you're giving us 3 for one. Trade. |
| Dallas Stars: | We're only the 173rd team he's been on. |
| Detroit Redwings: | One does not simply poke check Pavel Datsyuk. |
| Edmonton Oilers: | We know animals are not allowed to play he is NOT a horse. |
| Florida Panthers: | No, sorry wrong stadium. this is not the baseball game. |
| Los Angeles Kings: | Peace, Sass, and SoCal. |
| Minnesota Wild: | Who aRe WE |
| Montreal Canadiens: | We like our cakes with tons of icing |
| Nashville Predators: | We carved our name into his leather seats. |
| New Jersey Devils: | Dada daaaaaa da HEY, YOU SUCK. |
| New York Islanders: | No, Brooklyn Hipsters. |
| New York Rangers: | No, everyone is here. No that's ACTUALLY everyone that can play. |
| Ottawa Senators: | We won with half our team (everyone minus Karlsson and Spezza) |
| Philadelphia Flyers: | The universe. |
| Phoenix Coyotes: | The ice is melting. Save us. |
| Pittsburgh Penguins: | Number 87. 87. Crosby. Sid. 87. No. 87. Crosby. |
| San Jose Sharks: | What if our skate pops the inflatable shark |
| St. Louis Blues: | Missouri? What? WHy? |
| Tampa Bay Lightning: | It's 90 degrees outside. |
| Toronto Maple Leafs: | Why are you calling us the Maple Laughs? No that's not our name. |
| Vancouver Canucks: | Runner up 572 years in a row. |
| Washington Capitals: | We will all get Ovechkins face tattooed on our lower backs hashtag alexander da gr8 |
| Winnipeg Jets: | Justin Bieber. |
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